It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
