shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
