bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
