These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
