I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Boobs speak an international language.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
