Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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