dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
