I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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