considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
