Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
