She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
do herpes really smell.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
