He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
