tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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