Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i think i have herpe
just one?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
