can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
COCAINE IS GR8
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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