I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
