listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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