Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Randomize
