im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
