The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
