If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
