listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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