So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
