I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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