went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
