make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
