omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
