my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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