He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
