as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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