In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
