Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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