Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
