as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
