with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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