But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
