just tell him i said nine months
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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