Christians are straight up FREAKS
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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