I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
