She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
