I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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