id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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