idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
