My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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