He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
