It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
