His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
