it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
