You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
