I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
