Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
