i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
