gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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