please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He felt like a one man threesome
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
