The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
