I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
